Just More Life

Hey everybody,

Sorry I haven't blogged in over a month, but I just haven't been able to really write lately. So just some general updates...they 'fixed' my windows, so now they have screens in them, which is good for bugs and bad for everything else :(. Uh, I went to a gay/lesbian bar in the Valley which was lots and lots of fun, I have a few pictures up on facebook. I went on a trip to Sydney which was awesome/terrible. The awesome part was everything that we did, we took a ferry to this amazingly beautiful beach called Manly, saw this amazingly hot guy from the Bronx who did a breakdancing routine. We went on a THREE-HOUR walking tour of Sydney. I think I know Sydney better than I know St.Louis, lol. Exhausting, but fun. There's pictures. Oh yeah, so the terrible thing about Sydney was that I had no money!! When I booked my plane ticket, they charged it to my account three times, so I was short about $500 and basically was scrounging around on the little cash that I had in my wallet until my dad saved the day (as always).

Um...oh yeah, we went on a camping trip, my friend Lea and I, with some of her friend's friends. We went to this amazingly beautiful mountain, Mt. Mee and I can't really explain the beauty of it all, but just imagine lots of very very green trees against a very very blue sky with very very white clouds. And there was a stream that made the most relaxing gurgly noises. Accross the stream was this huge rock and one night we went out and sat on the rock and looked at all 43 bajillion and two stars. Later that night I was pretty scared because I was getting all claustrophobic and stuff and there were animals bothering our cooking stuff, I could hear metal banging while I was trying to sleep. Thank God I had my iPod or I would have gone ballistic. So on the way back, we drove down all these long country roads with curves and dips and it really reminded me of joy-riding at home with the fam but I wasn't homesick because I was too happy. We stopped at one point as the sun was going down and hopped this fence and sat on a hill that overlooked an incredible amount of hilly land, and there were cows grazing down below us. That ride was definitely one of the best I've ever gone for and I saw some of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Sorry I don't have more pictures, I left my camera, so these are from Lea's.


Lea sitting on top of the shed where we stopped.


The view from the shed.


Leah and me doing our
'gangsta' pose...fail, eh?


I told you. Very very blue sky, very very green grass...
nature is amazingly beautiful.

So, on that camping trip there was this guy who asked me if I was an American negro and I said "uh...no, not quite" and then later he used the word nigga (but not directed at me). Maggie says I should have said something, and yeah I was kind of bothered by it, but I din't say anything to him, just because I don't think I could've mustered the energy to put much effort into explaining everything that was wrong with what he said. While talking to Maggie I realized that I just really don't care that much. I don't know if that's a bad thing, I mean, maybe I should care, but whether or not people should say nigger or any derivative thereof is just a battle that I don't care to fight. Maybe it's because I don't know how I feel about the situation. Actually, now that I think about it, a white American guy on my trip said nigga and I didn't even wince. He looked at me after he said it, waitng for me to say something, and I just cracked a joke of some sort. Somebody convince me of why I should probably care. Please. Because right now, I just don't. I'm not going to tell anyone they can't say nigga if I still say it myself, most black rappers use the word in their lyrics, and most black young people I know use it in their everyday lives. I know where it comes from, what it was used for, and why it's offensive to many people. But if we supposedly use the word affectionately to eliminate the sting, the the word shouldn't sting when anyone else says it. And if it using it doesn't eliminate the sting, no one should be using it, especially black people. (How do I always end up blogging about race somehow? I didn't intend to this time, but somehow it always pops up...)

But anyway, Australia's chill, I'm happy, I also miss home an incredible amount. I'm looking for a job for July and August, can start in the middle of June if it's absolutely inevitable and/or pays enough, so if you know anything, get at me. I'm really excited because my sister is about to have a baby.

xoxo

Answers to (seemingly) random questions for my Peace Education class

My name: Audrey Elaine Morrow
Audrey-English, meaning 'noble strength'
Elaine- French, meaning light
Morrow- Celtic variation, meaning sea warrior

My parents named me Audrey after my mother's sister and my father's mother. Elaine is my mother's first name. I don't know any famous person that is related to me, but my grandmother, whose name was Audrey is a noteworthy person for me. She died when I was fifteen, but in the time that I knew her she was one of the people who challenged me most. She lived in Queens, New York, and I used to visit her in the summertime. She was very loving, but a bit strict and contributed a lot to my becoming a strong, independent person. She challenged me to face my fears and explore the world, and not be afraid to be unique. She was very fashionable, strong-willed, and a straight-to-the-point type of woman.

I love my name. I love how it sounds, how it looks on paper, and its history. The only thing that I can think of that I don't like about my name is that it's a bit difficult to come up with a nickname using my first name. My friends call me 'Audg' sometimes, which I like the idea of having a nickname, but 'g' is just not my favorite letter (looks a little masculine to me) and they refuse to spell it with a 'j' (which still looks a bit..uh, awkward). :-)

Brought knowledge:

I was born in the States, and went to seven differerent schools before uni. My favourite teachers in high school were Coach Durbin and Mrs. Greer. They taught my most challenging courses and were most interactive with their students. At Washington University, where I go to uni, my favorite teachers are Professor Newman and Professor Duncan. They are both in the Education department, and I've taken multiple classes with each of them. I like Professor Newman because she is a very open-minded person and gives me great feedback, which has helped me to become a better writer. She is also readily available outside of class time to talk about philosophical matters having to do with education, even if it has nothing to do with what we're talking about in class. I like Professor Duncan, whom I affectionately call Mr. G, because his classes are very interesting and he is not very 'politically correct', instead being straight-forward, honest, and witty, and allowing his students to think outside the box and come to our own conclusions about the world. He teaches us about theories using ethnographical studies and incorporates themes such as love and spirituality into our discussions, which is somewhat frowned upon in university in the States, but creates a learning atmosphere that is very much in tune with reality and not so much limited to the very insulated, nonpractical theoretical methodology like many other professors that I have had.

I'm not really sure what levels of achievement I have reached academically, besides graduating from high school and making it to uni, but I attend one of the top universities in the US and was accepted to study at UQ, so getting an education at two of the better schools in the entire world, I guess, is a pretty good achievement. However, I like to think more in terms of making progress as a person outside of academia when considereing my own achievements, and the most important for me have been becoming an independent thinker, being honest with myself, and developing a love for humanity. I certainly do not think that I have fully achieved those things, or will anytime soon, but in striving for those things everyday, I think that I am learning a lot more than I ever could at any uni. My main learning interests and ambitions are learning how to communicate with people in a way that is progressive and not destructive, learning how to teach youth in a way that is engaging and making an impact on them that last for their entire lives, and gaining the social, mental, and political skills to be able to maneuver through different obstacles, such as prejudice, ignorance, and pessimism in order to reach my goals of helping people live better lives.

Fit or Relationship

I'm a 21-year-old African American female, I'm not sure where I belong, but I consider home to be my family. We moved around and traveled the states quite a bit as I was growing up, and my parents are from two different regions of the country, so I consider my family to be home because there really isn't a place that I can define as home except to say the United States, but even then I don't know that I belong there, except that I am most comfortable there. I have lived in mostly rural areas, so I would say that the open fields and open sky are more like home to me than the big city or the beach or the mountains. Economically, socially, and politically, I am middle-class, and relatively liberal when it comes to politics. Being a liberal person, a lot of things that I do now as an individual with no one to be responsible for but myself, I am quite liberal in my thoughts and actions, but I see myself as being conservative in the future when I have my own family and other people for whom I am responsible. I don't really see liberal and conservative as being opposites, but different phases in reaching a goal. Like, there's a time for one and there's a time for the other. My spiritual view is that all life comes from a Source, and everything must achieve balance. Anything that follows after that should be whatever works for the individual so long as it is understood that we all have an Origin that we will eventually return to by achieving balance in our lives while we are physical beings. I also believe that everything happens the way that it is supposed to, thus we live in the best possible world, and all of the things that we consider to be 'bad' are, in one way or another, part of the process of achieving that balance. Or something like that.

Groupwork

Groupwork is necessary at some point for individual success. And individual work is necessary at some point for group success. Humans are social beings, so it is impossible to go through life without consulting, collaborating, and communication with others. Groupwork in the classroom setting is not really what I consider to be groupwork because it's always just people dividing up the work, doing their own parts completly individually, and putting together a presentation at the end. (I don't think that's real groupwork because there's usually no exchange of ideas, debating, or compromise necessary). My best experience with groupwork, at least recently, was when I was on a planning committee for my choir's concert and we had to truly work together to plan all the logistics for the concert. My worst experiences of groupwork, besides what I described above as what usually happens in my classes when there is a group presentation, include any time where I either end up doing all the work myself or am not given the opportunity to do any work at all. I think groupwork should be assessed by how much effort each individual puts into the process, as well as how much the final project looks like a merge between the different inital ideas, as opposed to the final project just being one or two people's idea that everybody just kind of agrees with.

Peace

To me, peace is simply when everyone is at peace, which is whatever it means to the individual. Peace is something that must be attained by the collective group, but is defined by each individual for oneself. If every individual is at peace, then there is peace, but if there is at least one person who is not at peace, then there is not peace. (Which is why I don't believe it won't be achieved). Nonviolence is the absence of any action that causes pain or suffering to a person or group of people. Violence is the presence of any action that causes pain or suffering to a person or group of people. I think that peaceful practices are most important because that implies peaceful attitudes and peaceful knowledges. Also, if peace is something that must be obtained collectively, but attitudes and knowledges are more internal, it is a person's peaceful practices that have impact on society. For me, the most challenging of the three is peaceful practice because sometimes I don't act the way i know I should act in order to have peace, and also, what i may demonstrate as peaceful practices may unintentially be viewed by another as not so peaceful. Critiquing my own practices, I think my most important anxieties around peace and groupwork is being able to properly convey my own ideas, which I think are correct, without undermining someone else's ideas when I think that they are wrong. I think other people's most challenging growing edges for me is when I introduce ideas that seem way 'out there' and require more openness challenging people to think more laterally than they may feel comfortable doing.

love and peace

A Response to Identity Shmidentity, or A Continuation of Previous Post

http://likedwbrother.blogspot.com/2010/03/lessons-learned-from-hadza-identity.html#comments

"Blackness, then, is a very local identity. As such, it can only be conferred or denied by the Black people in the area."--Wanda

Write a book on it. Maybe I can write the foreward if Duncan won't do it. lol

That is something I can definitely understand, and honestly, I'm just not sure how to deal with it. It also makes sense if you think about it in other terms. Morality: How can one be a good or bad person without doing good or bad to another person? Beauty: How can any aspect of life or art be beautiful or ugly without comparison to another aspect? Sex: How do you know if you're that good? lol, I digress...kind of.

Anyway, I guess what I'm kind of caught up on is whether I should let my identity be defined by others. This then makes me wonder if such a refusal comes at the risk of being considered "not black enough" by other 'local' blacks and if I even care. Right now I do, or at least I did when I left the States. Now, having experienced life being black but not blackened, this is something I'm willing to consider changing about my life. I mean, not identifying myself as a local black. Whether or not this is even possible, well, I guess we'll see, but there are a lot of things to take into account. What would that even look like? I'll still listen to hip hop, celebrate Black history, sing spirituals, get niggaitis, refuse to wear leggings without a skirt, etc. But what actually changes? Something on the inside. Something that refuses to let me get upset when a non-black person uses the words 'nigger' or 'nigga' or resolve not to use those terms myself? Something that propels me to refrain from using the terms 'oreo' or 'wannabe' in the racial sense? I don't know. I'm kind of rambling/thinking out loud...comments, criticisms accepted here.

Just thoughts of the week

Hey All,

I twisted or sprained or jarred or torn somthing in my knee playing dodgeball yesterday, so I missed the first day of classes and my friends are going to watch Shutter Island at the IMAX without me (my idea and I can't even go!!).

It seems like my friends are having all these amazing cultural revelations and learning what it means to be American, and I've gotten a bit of that, but most of my experience so far has been party party party!!! I am so tired of goonbags (aka boxed wine) i don't know what to do! Some event goes on just about every night and its everything from bath parties to circus parties, to going to pubs, bars, clubs, hanging out behind G Tower, you name it, there's alcohol involved. The most interesting thing that I've found in this respect is that it is embraced. The college (residential college) buys alchohol for the parties. We can have open alcohol on the grounds and for formal dinners they serve beer and wine. With the drinking age at 18 and most people being 18 or older when starting uni, it's just not that huge a deal.

So far, one of the most valuable experiences that I'm having is just kicking it with white people. With all the alchohol and spending most of your free time with the people you actually live with, the residential life is like the frats meets freshman floor. I like it. And actually, now that I think about it, this is the first time in my life that I've been around a lot of white people for an extended period of time without being overly aware of my race, which is something to be greatly appreciated. In fact, pretty much the only time I'm aware that I'm black in the racial sense is when I'm around other black (non-American) people or when I'm listening to rap or hip hop with other people. Not even when the subject of conversation is my hair!! (lol) And even then, it's not a racial thing, really. Today this white guy came up to me and told me that I looked like I was from Zimbabwe. I didn't really know how to take that, (he's from Zimbabwe), but the first thing I thought was how insane it would be if this white African guy was the closest I would ever come to discovering my African heritage. uh, i think that was just a sidenote.

Anyway, back to what I was talking about. Interestingly enough, even around white Americans I don't really get that feeling of being racially black, which makes me wonder what it is that makes me feel that way at all. Does my physical distance from the US bring about a sort of emotional or cultural distance from being a black American? Have I been justified in feeling black in the racial sense previously? Why do I feel black at home? And not feeling black while away from home makes me wonder if, while home, do I feel black, as a result of nature, or do I feel blackened, as a result of history and heritage (for better or for worse)?

General Update

Okay guys. Sorry I haven’t written since I’ve been in Oz, but between settling in, meeting people, doing touristy stuff, and trying to get my phone/internet set up, blogging has been sort of on hold. But here I am now!

On the plane, I met this guy who goes to UQ; he was finishing up his vacation. He was really nice and told me about the city and we talked just about life and stuff. The plane ride just from LA to Brisbane was about 15 hours long, but it went by much faster than I thought. Between talking to this guy, James, all the music and movies on the plane, and sleeping, I’d say it was as pleasant of an experience as flying nonstop over the Pacific Ocean for half a day could be. Unless I was in first class of course. (Take Back Sunday and the bassist that plays for Red Hot Chili Peppers were on the flight, which was cool.)

Anyway, so being here so far has been fascinating. The place where I live reminds me of an American summer camp. There are nine towers in my college (that is, residential college) and four people on each floor. I share a bathroom with two guys (and another girl), something I haven’t done since I was like, twelve, but it’s cool though. No embarrassing run-ins (yet!) So yeah, being like summer camp. There’s no air conditioning in the towers and everyone has two sets of windows that pretty much stay open all the time, but there are no screens on the windows, so bugs often fly in. Oh and each floor has these old-fashioned speakers like they have in the stereotypical summer camp to make announcements for the whole college to hear. And we have set meal times, at roughly 8am, noon, and 6pm. So I’d say it’s quite like summer camp.

Also, because there are no fraternities here and because most of the 38,000 UQ students are commuters, the college is more than just a place to sleep. It’s kind of like your frat or your family. Everything on campus pretty much shuts down after most classes are over and the commuters go home, so the college is pretty much all of your on-campus social life. I think of it as the typical freshman-floor mindset, where you don’t know anyone else so you hang around others who live with you. And there is apparently some sort of hazing process that goes on. But as I understand it, it’s all in fun and definitely not like being hazed in America. But I heard some stories about making the freshers (first years) take shots at night then get up at 5am and go running. Ha. I’d rather be deported ;o)

If you can’t tell, I’m not complaining, I think it’s amazing here. I’m sure that if I had known that I’d be in this type of environment, I would have most certainly chosen somewhere else. I think it’s me speaking it into existence every day that I’m glad to be here and I like this type of atmosphere There are trees everywhere, the foliage is soooo green. It rains randomly, which is really nice. We’re surrounded on three sides by the river, and it seems that every time I’m feeling hot and muggy and sticky and sweaty, either a really wonderful breeze or a few moments of rainfall seem to come at the right moment. And the smells!!! When my window is open, on the breeze I catch a very distinct, pleasant, flowery scent, almost like honeysuckle, but I don't think that's it. I'll find out and let you know.

We went into the city yesterday and the day before. Brisbane is very hilly and the roads are very curvy, which makes for an interesting bus ride. The buildings tend to be very colorful and there’s a point outside of the city called Mt-Cootha where you can see the entire city and it’s pretty beautiful. Unfortunately I don’t have my camera at the moment because I inadvertently left it in St. Louis :) So everybody make sure that Erica sends it to me!! I pet/fed some baby kangaroos. They are so cute and sweet!!! I do have pics, just gotta wait for people to put them up on Facebook.

Oh yeah, I met another guy named Trent, from central Queensland. He told me he likes rap and hip hop and apparently thinks all Americans do or should listen to R.Kelly. lol.

I wanted to just catch you up on some of the basics of life in Australia but I have more thoughtful things to write about later on, like my apparent lack of an "American" accent, US imperialism, smh, and having an identity that is not used to identify me. HA!

Well, it’s lunch time, they just said over the loudspeakers.

Cheers!

Fourth Thursday*

I read Overdue Response, then I read 10. http://4thursday.blogspot.com/

And honestly, for the sake of the black community, black women need black men to help define their self-worth.

I will be the first female to admit that this is a man's world and the great decrease of fathers in the home, being real men, is a major factor in a lot of the problems that black Americans face today. Putting aside all the crap about independent women and that there's nothing a man can do for a woman that a woman can't do foer herself--the self-worth of a black woman is always, either directly or indirectly, affected by how valuable she is to the black men in her life. From married women who are treated like queens to married women who are being cheated on or abused, from single ladies looking for the right man to teenage girls looking for a replacement daddy, to video vixens who allow themselves to be degraded to a five-star bitch or a lollipop licker because it also comes with the label sexy, beautiful, and desirable, the black woman is innately affected to some extent by the way that her black men view her.

No doubt that some women who have been so hurt by men that they have resolved to live the life of an "independent woman" feel such strong sentiments due to the fact that they, or female friends and relatives, are suffering the most from a lack of positive black male influence in their lives. I honestly can't think of one sane black woman who could get a man to wine and dine her, take care of her, and treat her like a queen, then turn around and decide, for no apparent reason, that she doesn't want or need him. Not to say that women out there don't exist, but they're crazy! Thus, I think the 'independent woman' ideology stems from a need to compensate for where black males are lacking.

I would even dare say that many black women don't like the idea of black men being with non-black women because it's almost like we've lost whatever it is that makes us special to the black man, or else he's lost whatever it is that makes him realize the unique beauty and richness that a black woman/family has to offer. Then again, maybe that's just me...

This is all coming from a young black woman who has a nuclear-type family household and still believes in chivalry and letting a man be a man, (as long as he's an honest, faithful, good man), and be the head of his household. My problem is that not enough young black men are stepping up to the challenge and willing to take on the hard work and responsibility necessary to run a household, or do not even get the chance due to the system being very set up for the failure of impoverished black boys from an early age. And the most accessible role models for these fellas are rappers who call women bitches and hos and degrade them to sex objects. And EVERYBODY, not just men, not just women, who are responsible.

However, as I am willing to admit that this is truly a man's world and men were created to be providers and protectors and women weren't meant to be without men, I can say that yes, there is a vicious cycle involving gender role expectations, for which both men and women share the blame, but at the end of the day, if all black men would love and respect themselves, black women, and the black community at large enough to do whatever was necessary to make an honest living, keep themselves AND EACH OTHER out of jails and prisons, and only support public figures that create a positive image for non-blacks and send a positive message to black youth, we would be in a much better situation, I'm sure.

I think this post is stamped as having been posted around 1am, but it's actually like 5 am right now, so my thoughts above aren't fully developed, so I prolly made some claims that I didn't really back up...sorry. But I gladly welcome critical thoughts and constructive feedback because this is a recurring theme in my life both from an academic and personal standpoint, so, I solicit your conversation.

*This is not bashing black men, nor making a generalization of all black men, nor do I deny that women are not part of the problem. This is me making an observation about the black community which is clearly suffering from the lack of upstanding black men and the increase in incarceration rates for young black males. Trust me, I have a lot to say about some black females...coming soon

Commencement

So, today's my last day in the US!!! Woohooo the day is finally here (whilst my friends have been abroad for weeks and weeks now). I was reading Wanda's blog from Feb. 10 and started to post this in her comment box:

And apparently theres a large interest in hip-hop in Australia (where negros are about as common as blue bananas) hip-hop is tied to a culture that I feel is a part of the bricolage that is defines my identity as black. Granted, hip-hop won't be exactly the same in Oz, or anywhere else for that matter, as it is in the US, but what defines hip-hop? I think this is one of the things that I plan to explore more deeply.

lol, that would be rude because it had almost nothing to do with her post.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately and something that keeps being revealed to me is that I need to take this time in Oz to build a stronger prayer life. I have a book on prayer, as well as a brand new journal that was given to me. As I have been struggling to discover spiritual truths, prayer is something that I have not really focused on in depth. When I was at Urbana, I really got some insights about prayer, and I need to explore them further, as well as to pray more consciously. I tend to talk to God a lot, but I need to work on the listening part and learning how to be an active participant in making sure that prayers are answered (because God is not synonomous with genie or fairy godmother)

Update: I now have unlocked gsm cell phone and skype. my skype name is aemorrow, hit me up.

Until the touchdown,

Audrey

Getting Down to Business

Howdy!!

So I just bought my tickets, which was actually kind of unnerving because I'm making plans for the second half of the summer, none of which are set in stone. Thus, I didn't have a return date. EVERYTHING everything is over on June 26, which is when the school suggests that we return home, but a lot of the things that I want to do start before then, like between the 14th and the 25th of June, like Breakthrough Collaborative and this summer camp that I'm applying to be a counselor for. But, there is a 3-week period between the end of classes and June 26th, so my exams could be anywhere within those three weeks. If I'm trying to be home by a certain time, I don't want to book a ticket for a date too much later than I can afford to leave. Fortunately, I was able to get round-trip tickets for a little less than I expected, leaving some money in my budget in case I need to change the return date. :-)
The only thing about my tickets is that I still have to get to LA from Nashville or St. Louis which I'm going to try my best to do for like $300. There's some good deals out there, though. Just gotta find them.
So.... passport: check. visa: check. tickets: check (almost). Phone...I'm going to get one when I get there. I've been online shopping and researching. USA need to get on her GSM game though. Hmm...I need some of those vacuum space saver thingies.

Peace Love and SATB

Alrighty,

I'm in the process of buying plane tickets and sending the rest of my housing money. How do you send thousands of dollars without having to pay hundreds in foreign tranfer fees?? Anyway, I've been feeling like things have been going really slowly, but I know the ball is rolling and I'll be gone before I know it.

I was looking at Google Earth yesterday and typed in my Queensland address. The way it zoomed out so fast from Greenfield, TN and how the globe swiveled to fill my sight with massive blue ocean scared the crap out of me. I'm going to be really far away!! But I'm mad excited, though. It's interesting how you can be scared, but not be fearful, you know? Like, there's a part of me that makes my heart race and my mind starts thinking of bad things that could happen while I'm abroad, but at the same time, it's not even nearly enough to make me rethink my decision to go.

What I'm most apprehensive about is what to expect and I wonder what's going to be the thing that sends me into culture shock. I was thinking about how I wanted the first thing I did in Australia was to buy a sweatshirts from the bookstore. Then I started thinking, what if they didn't have sweatshirts? Me assuming that they have sweatshirts in their bookstores only to find out that they didn't would probably send me into culture shock. Maybe not likely to happen, but just think: it's not knowing that you're nearly ten thousand miles away from home, but little things like no right turn on red that could send you to the crazy house or into a deep depression.

Yesterday, I was wondering to myself, dang, they probably don't have a WalMart (lol) so I GoogleMapped supermarkets in Brisbane and Coles Supermarket kept coming up. I don't think I'll ever be able to explain how excited I was to look through their catalogue and see stuff like Nivea and Coca-Cola and Nestle brand stuff. May seem silly, but between globalization of markets and internet technology, I think I can make it. Like I said in the last post, even 50 years ago, I don't know if I could have done it. Aha! That reminds me: the next thing I need to do is put my phone on the seasonal plan and look for an Australian phone service.

Be easy