Fourth Thursday*

I read Overdue Response, then I read 10. http://4thursday.blogspot.com/

And honestly, for the sake of the black community, black women need black men to help define their self-worth.

I will be the first female to admit that this is a man's world and the great decrease of fathers in the home, being real men, is a major factor in a lot of the problems that black Americans face today. Putting aside all the crap about independent women and that there's nothing a man can do for a woman that a woman can't do foer herself--the self-worth of a black woman is always, either directly or indirectly, affected by how valuable she is to the black men in her life. From married women who are treated like queens to married women who are being cheated on or abused, from single ladies looking for the right man to teenage girls looking for a replacement daddy, to video vixens who allow themselves to be degraded to a five-star bitch or a lollipop licker because it also comes with the label sexy, beautiful, and desirable, the black woman is innately affected to some extent by the way that her black men view her.

No doubt that some women who have been so hurt by men that they have resolved to live the life of an "independent woman" feel such strong sentiments due to the fact that they, or female friends and relatives, are suffering the most from a lack of positive black male influence in their lives. I honestly can't think of one sane black woman who could get a man to wine and dine her, take care of her, and treat her like a queen, then turn around and decide, for no apparent reason, that she doesn't want or need him. Not to say that women out there don't exist, but they're crazy! Thus, I think the 'independent woman' ideology stems from a need to compensate for where black males are lacking.

I would even dare say that many black women don't like the idea of black men being with non-black women because it's almost like we've lost whatever it is that makes us special to the black man, or else he's lost whatever it is that makes him realize the unique beauty and richness that a black woman/family has to offer. Then again, maybe that's just me...

This is all coming from a young black woman who has a nuclear-type family household and still believes in chivalry and letting a man be a man, (as long as he's an honest, faithful, good man), and be the head of his household. My problem is that not enough young black men are stepping up to the challenge and willing to take on the hard work and responsibility necessary to run a household, or do not even get the chance due to the system being very set up for the failure of impoverished black boys from an early age. And the most accessible role models for these fellas are rappers who call women bitches and hos and degrade them to sex objects. And EVERYBODY, not just men, not just women, who are responsible.

However, as I am willing to admit that this is truly a man's world and men were created to be providers and protectors and women weren't meant to be without men, I can say that yes, there is a vicious cycle involving gender role expectations, for which both men and women share the blame, but at the end of the day, if all black men would love and respect themselves, black women, and the black community at large enough to do whatever was necessary to make an honest living, keep themselves AND EACH OTHER out of jails and prisons, and only support public figures that create a positive image for non-blacks and send a positive message to black youth, we would be in a much better situation, I'm sure.

I think this post is stamped as having been posted around 1am, but it's actually like 5 am right now, so my thoughts above aren't fully developed, so I prolly made some claims that I didn't really back up...sorry. But I gladly welcome critical thoughts and constructive feedback because this is a recurring theme in my life both from an academic and personal standpoint, so, I solicit your conversation.

*This is not bashing black men, nor making a generalization of all black men, nor do I deny that women are not part of the problem. This is me making an observation about the black community which is clearly suffering from the lack of upstanding black men and the increase in incarceration rates for young black males. Trust me, I have a lot to say about some black females...coming soon