Hey All,
I twisted or sprained or jarred or torn somthing in my knee playing dodgeball yesterday, so I missed the first day of classes and my friends are going to watch Shutter Island at the IMAX without me (my idea and I can't even go!!).
It seems like my friends are having all these amazing cultural revelations and learning what it means to be American, and I've gotten a bit of that, but most of my experience so far has been party party party!!! I am so tired of goonbags (aka boxed wine) i don't know what to do! Some event goes on just about every night and its everything from bath parties to circus parties, to going to pubs, bars, clubs, hanging out behind G Tower, you name it, there's alcohol involved. The most interesting thing that I've found in this respect is that it is embraced. The college (residential college) buys alchohol for the parties. We can have open alcohol on the grounds and for formal dinners they serve beer and wine. With the drinking age at 18 and most people being 18 or older when starting uni, it's just not that huge a deal.
So far, one of the most valuable experiences that I'm having is just kicking it with white people. With all the alchohol and spending most of your free time with the people you actually live with, the residential life is like the frats meets freshman floor. I like it. And actually, now that I think about it, this is the first time in my life that I've been around a lot of white people for an extended period of time without being overly aware of my race, which is something to be greatly appreciated. In fact, pretty much the only time I'm aware that I'm black in the racial sense is when I'm around other black (non-American) people or when I'm listening to rap or hip hop with other people. Not even when the subject of conversation is my hair!! (lol) And even then, it's not a racial thing, really. Today this white guy came up to me and told me that I looked like I was from Zimbabwe. I didn't really know how to take that, (he's from Zimbabwe), but the first thing I thought was how insane it would be if this white African guy was the closest I would ever come to discovering my African heritage. uh, i think that was just a sidenote.
Anyway, back to what I was talking about. Interestingly enough, even around white Americans I don't really get that feeling of being racially black, which makes me wonder what it is that makes me feel that way at all. Does my physical distance from the US bring about a sort of emotional or cultural distance from being a black American? Have I been justified in feeling black in the racial sense previously? Why do I feel black at home? And not feeling black while away from home makes me wonder if, while home, do I feel black, as a result of nature, or do I feel blackened, as a result of history and heritage (for better or for worse)?
Showing posts with label self-image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-image. Show all posts
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Fourth Thursday*
I read Overdue Response, then I read 10. http://4thursday.blogspot.com/
And honestly, for the sake of the black community, black women need black men to help define their self-worth.
I will be the first female to admit that this is a man's world and the great decrease of fathers in the home, being real men, is a major factor in a lot of the problems that black Americans face today. Putting aside all the crap about independent women and that there's nothing a man can do for a woman that a woman can't do foer herself--the self-worth of a black woman is always, either directly or indirectly, affected by how valuable she is to the black men in her life. From married women who are treated like queens to married women who are being cheated on or abused, from single ladies looking for the right man to teenage girls looking for a replacement daddy, to video vixens who allow themselves to be degraded to a five-star bitch or a lollipop licker because it also comes with the label sexy, beautiful, and desirable, the black woman is innately affected to some extent by the way that her black men view her.
No doubt that some women who have been so hurt by men that they have resolved to live the life of an "independent woman" feel such strong sentiments due to the fact that they, or female friends and relatives, are suffering the most from a lack of positive black male influence in their lives. I honestly can't think of one sane black woman who could get a man to wine and dine her, take care of her, and treat her like a queen, then turn around and decide, for no apparent reason, that she doesn't want or need him. Not to say that women out there don't exist, but they're crazy! Thus, I think the 'independent woman' ideology stems from a need to compensate for where black males are lacking.
I would even dare say that many black women don't like the idea of black men being with non-black women because it's almost like we've lost whatever it is that makes us special to the black man, or else he's lost whatever it is that makes him realize the unique beauty and richness that a black woman/family has to offer. Then again, maybe that's just me...
This is all coming from a young black woman who has a nuclear-type family household and still believes in chivalry and letting a man be a man, (as long as he's an honest, faithful, good man), and be the head of his household. My problem is that not enough young black men are stepping up to the challenge and willing to take on the hard work and responsibility necessary to run a household, or do not even get the chance due to the system being very set up for the failure of impoverished black boys from an early age. And the most accessible role models for these fellas are rappers who call women bitches and hos and degrade them to sex objects. And EVERYBODY, not just men, not just women, who are responsible.
However, as I am willing to admit that this is truly a man's world and men were created to be providers and protectors and women weren't meant to be without men, I can say that yes, there is a vicious cycle involving gender role expectations, for which both men and women share the blame, but at the end of the day, if all black men would love and respect themselves, black women, and the black community at large enough to do whatever was necessary to make an honest living, keep themselves AND EACH OTHER out of jails and prisons, and only support public figures that create a positive image for non-blacks and send a positive message to black youth, we would be in a much better situation, I'm sure.
I think this post is stamped as having been posted around 1am, but it's actually like 5 am right now, so my thoughts above aren't fully developed, so I prolly made some claims that I didn't really back up...sorry. But I gladly welcome critical thoughts and constructive feedback because this is a recurring theme in my life both from an academic and personal standpoint, so, I solicit your conversation.
*This is not bashing black men, nor making a generalization of all black men, nor do I deny that women are not part of the problem. This is me making an observation about the black community which is clearly suffering from the lack of upstanding black men and the increase in incarceration rates for young black males. Trust me, I have a lot to say about some black females...coming soon
And honestly, for the sake of the black community, black women need black men to help define their self-worth.
I will be the first female to admit that this is a man's world and the great decrease of fathers in the home, being real men, is a major factor in a lot of the problems that black Americans face today. Putting aside all the crap about independent women and that there's nothing a man can do for a woman that a woman can't do foer herself--the self-worth of a black woman is always, either directly or indirectly, affected by how valuable she is to the black men in her life. From married women who are treated like queens to married women who are being cheated on or abused, from single ladies looking for the right man to teenage girls looking for a replacement daddy, to video vixens who allow themselves to be degraded to a five-star bitch or a lollipop licker because it also comes with the label sexy, beautiful, and desirable, the black woman is innately affected to some extent by the way that her black men view her.
No doubt that some women who have been so hurt by men that they have resolved to live the life of an "independent woman" feel such strong sentiments due to the fact that they, or female friends and relatives, are suffering the most from a lack of positive black male influence in their lives. I honestly can't think of one sane black woman who could get a man to wine and dine her, take care of her, and treat her like a queen, then turn around and decide, for no apparent reason, that she doesn't want or need him. Not to say that women out there don't exist, but they're crazy! Thus, I think the 'independent woman' ideology stems from a need to compensate for where black males are lacking.
I would even dare say that many black women don't like the idea of black men being with non-black women because it's almost like we've lost whatever it is that makes us special to the black man, or else he's lost whatever it is that makes him realize the unique beauty and richness that a black woman/family has to offer. Then again, maybe that's just me...
This is all coming from a young black woman who has a nuclear-type family household and still believes in chivalry and letting a man be a man, (as long as he's an honest, faithful, good man), and be the head of his household. My problem is that not enough young black men are stepping up to the challenge and willing to take on the hard work and responsibility necessary to run a household, or do not even get the chance due to the system being very set up for the failure of impoverished black boys from an early age. And the most accessible role models for these fellas are rappers who call women bitches and hos and degrade them to sex objects. And EVERYBODY, not just men, not just women, who are responsible.
However, as I am willing to admit that this is truly a man's world and men were created to be providers and protectors and women weren't meant to be without men, I can say that yes, there is a vicious cycle involving gender role expectations, for which both men and women share the blame, but at the end of the day, if all black men would love and respect themselves, black women, and the black community at large enough to do whatever was necessary to make an honest living, keep themselves AND EACH OTHER out of jails and prisons, and only support public figures that create a positive image for non-blacks and send a positive message to black youth, we would be in a much better situation, I'm sure.
I think this post is stamped as having been posted around 1am, but it's actually like 5 am right now, so my thoughts above aren't fully developed, so I prolly made some claims that I didn't really back up...sorry. But I gladly welcome critical thoughts and constructive feedback because this is a recurring theme in my life both from an academic and personal standpoint, so, I solicit your conversation.
*This is not bashing black men, nor making a generalization of all black men, nor do I deny that women are not part of the problem. This is me making an observation about the black community which is clearly suffering from the lack of upstanding black men and the increase in incarceration rates for young black males. Trust me, I have a lot to say about some black females...coming soon
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